I always come to this point: Too interested in pondering random things for hours to care that I'm too tired to go to sleep and will regret this when I have to wake up in the morning. What do I even spend my time thinking about, you may ask? Anything and everything, and let me tell you - life is complex. I never run out of subject material. Which can be a good or a bad thing.
Time passing is the oddest thing. It seems like it was only a few weeks or so ago I sat in relatively the same spot last year, dreading making a college choice and experiencing amazing things in NY and watching God work so mightily as I stressed out about cheer nationals. Now, I'm just experiencing the amazing things that spring break has to offer (sleeping in. Go ahead, call me dull), dreading making a major choice and watching God work so mightily as I stress out about everything. Funny how things change, and how they really don't.
The past year has held some amazing experiences and I am wholly grateful for them. However, I have lately been realizing that they haven't been wholly fulfilling. I've been running off-track and it's messing me up big time. More than I have now begun to see. It's so easy to get in a routine, or think that I've got something figured out and just go through the motions. But life in God takes more than that; it takes more than just knowing that this way of doing things worked before, and in the back of my mind just going on with my life. It seemed fine until I realized how it completely wasn't.
Damage control is the most humbling, and so hard. It's worth it, but like anything that's worth it, it takes effort. Effort that only God can give me strength for, and I pray that indeed He will.
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