Down.

This summer. Oh, this summer.
I have been learning so much at what feels like 100 miles per hour. I did not expect a summer like this. I did not expect a difficult summer, a blink-once-and-it's-gone summer, this summer. Usually it's easy for me to see the good in a challenging situation. But those situations in the past have been actual hard things - medical problems, familial problems, something tangible I can grasp the impact and implication of. But these things, this summer has been more abstract than any of that, more difficult to nail down what exactly is making it so challenging. Which apparently impedes my abilities to see how it's working for good.
It's just been hard.
This summer has added so many things to my already long list of shortcomings. When I prayed for brokenness, for understanding, for humility this summer, I knew it would come. I know that one often regrets praying those sorts of things, but I didn't care. They were, and are, so necessary.
The one thing I didn't think about was the interim. The time between understanding your brokenness and coming full circle with God's grace and forgiveness and healing. The time when you just know to the depths of your being how much you fall short. Wallowing in this place is not healthy, long-term. Short-term, it's vital to comprehending redemption. And here I am, brought to so many realizations of me, my world, my limitations of understanding and perspective. I am waiting, searching, breaking. I am nothing; Christ is everything. Let that heal my scars.